So my mother seriously does NOT like my hair and as much I brush off her negative comments, it's really annoying. While my boyfriend was in town for the holidays, he asked her how she felt about it and she replied, "I don't like it, that's not how I raised her." Umm what? I wasn't born with a relaxer. I went 7 years with some kinky ass hair til I got that relaxer and yet for some reason she now thinks it's ugly. It wasn't ugly when I was a child so what gives? She has even gone so far as to say that she wouldn't come to my wedding if my hair is like "that." Whether she means it or not, I was furious.
I have tattoos and even those don't get all the negative, snarky remarks that my hair gets, which is really surprising to me.
I love my mother, she is one of the strongest women I know but as I go through this journey I realize how insecure she is and it's a little heartbreaking to be honest. Part of the reason I went natural is to be an inspiration to girls, both my own and others. I want to go into teaching and if I can help a girl with her esteem and let her know that she doesn't have to look like everyone else, I'll feel accomplished. I don't want my daughter to come crying to me that she wants long straight hair because that's what all the other girls have. I want to be my babies role model, just like she was to me.
How do you deal with the disapproval for the choices you have made? Especially when it's something as harmless as the way you choose to wear your hair, your clothes? How you choose to express yourself?
dang, Mom. that is not cool. My mom was like that for a while... still kinda is. But I'm not fully natural yet. She likes my transitioning BRAIDS... so we'll see how the actual natural hair goes.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that your mom is giving you such a hard time about it.
It's so funny I came across this post because I'm in the same situation as you. My mum doesn't like my natural hair either. Despite the positive feedback I get from others, I always catch her looking at my hair with disappointment, as if I shouldn't wear my hair the way God intended. My mum's face dropped when she realised that I would be rocking my natural hair to her retirement party coming up in a few weeks, instead of braids. I think she freaked out because she thought 'what would everyone else think?' Forget the fact that I've been successful in my life and my hair is in a healthy state. I think wearing my hair NOT straight is my mum's insecurity, not mine. Sometimes I have to put myself in my mum's shoes and realise that for the majority of her life, she was told and shown that your natural hair is not something that you expose unless it's straight. Even though its not really a justification, all I can do is love my hair and myself, and teach my children that God made no mistakes when He mad our hair the way it is.
ReplyDeleteI like the point that you bring up about your mom being told natural hair isn't something to show off. I think that's why my mom's like that too. It's sad but I am somewhat understanding because it's not her fault. It would be nice if she didn't knock it the way she does because I'm not harming anyone
ReplyDeleteIf it's any consolation, I love your hair. I was brought to your blog today by your photo on the Le Coil Tumblr. I am transitioning now and when I saw your pic, I thought to myself, I want her hair! My mom feels the same way about natural hair and right now is natural not by choice, but because her hair cannot take any chemicals so she just presses it all the time, even though she mostly wears wigs which is ridiculous, IMO. Maybe one day she'll change her mind about it by seeing you confidently rocking your natural hair. :)
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